Electronic Farts Precision instruments for imprecise noises

New · Rhythm instruments

EF-808 Toot Machine

Sixteen steps. Eight voices. No plausible deniability.

$808 · Ships in a discreet brown box. Try it right here: press Play.

Electronic FartsEF-808Toot MachineProgrammable gas rhythm unit
Tempo
BPM
Swing
Transport
Pattern
Presets
Steps

Space: play / stop · 1–8: audition voices · Drag knobs up and down · double-click a knob to reset

Specifications

Engineered without compromise. Released without warning.

Sound engine
Analog-modelled Gas Circuit™ with authentic warmth.
Voices
Eight discrete emission channels: Tuba, Squeaker, Tiny Pfft, Double Tap, Bathtub Bubble, Chair Excuse, The Reckoning and Grandpa.
Per-voice controls
Tune (±12 semitones), Decay and Level. At minimum Level, output is reduced to a rumour.
Sequencer
16 steps × 8 voices, with adjustable Swing for a looser, more relaxed release.
Tempo
60–180 BPM on a red LED readout legible from across a crowded room.
Timing
Sample-accurate lookahead scheduling. Every event arrives exactly when expected, which is more than can be said for the source material.
Chili Mode
Stochastic pattern generation. Not recommended before meetings.
Output
Mono. It all comes from one place.
Enclosure
Powder-coated warm-grey steel, charcoal fascia, four exposed screws. Odour-neutral.
Weight
4.1 kg. Slightly more after lunch.
In the box
EF-808, power adaptor, quick-start card, one (1) pine-scented air freshener.
“I’ve owned every drum machine worth owning. The EF-808 is the only one that has made a string section leave the room. I put The Reckoning on the last chorus, the engineer quietly opened a window, and we both knew the record was finished.”
Dex RumbletonProducer, Low Pressure Studios